Tip Tone
all stories and essays by Tony Palermo
SARAH-bus! SARAH-bus!
Will you do the Fandango?
(or A Boy, A Void, and His Aardvark)
The first issue I purchased off the stands (from the now defunct Saint Paul Comics) was #44 (cover date November 1982) at the tender and impressionable age of 131 and I have been hooked ever since.
That's twenty years of devoted reading (more or less) and, obviously, I must suffer from a bit of fanboy-ant enthusiasm for the title, manifesting itself in a variety of different ways, as I currently own:
- Original issues from #12–288
- Reprints of issues #1–25
- The complete Trade Paperback collection (called "phonebooks" due to their size), which collects arcs of the storyline; currently on Volume 14 (taking the story-thus-far through issue #265)
- Several posters, statuettes, and a bumper sticker (which reads "Fight Like an Aardvark")
Inexplicably, the female of the household took Notice of this obsession of mine and, in a collision of hobbies, decided that the "Little Grey Bastard" would make a suitable knitted gift for the resident Cerebite, and added it to her extensive to-do list of crafty pursuits2.
Hidden away in her Knitting Room of Needle-y Doom, and secure in the knowledge that she had married one of the most oblivious lads in the five-county area, Sarah toiled away on this endeavor for more than two years, eventually springing it upon me a couple of months back.
I was stunned.
Sarah: Well...pick it up.That's right, kids...my wife had knit a stuffed Cerebus doll with, for lack of a better term, an "Elmo Box" hidden inside.3
Tony: When did you find time to make this?
Sarah: I've been working on it off and on for the past couple of years.
Tony: While I was home?
Sarah: Yes (stifled laugh). Now pick it up.
Tony: Damn...this is cool.
Sarah: Squeeze him.
Tony: Why?
Sarah: You'll see (more stifled laughter).
Tony (...the Fuck?): Okay (squeeze).
Knit Cerebus Simulacrum (KCS): Hee hee hee.
Tony: Er...why does Cerebus sound like a Muppet?
Sarah: Squeeze him again (snickering intensifies).
Tony (more confused and mildly frightened): Sure
(squeezes gingerly).
KCS: Hee hee hee hee hee hee. Oh Boy! That tickles (doll begins to shake violently)!
Tony (slow dawning of recognition): Holy shit. You put an Elmo Box in Cerebus!
Sarah & KCS (together): Hee hee hee (and so on).
Remember the "Tickle-Me-Elmo" craze from 1996–97?
The Elmo Box is the device that powered the voice, laughter, and seizures of Sesame Street's little, red Muppet doll4 that drove children and adults, alike, into a Toy craze unseen since the days of the tuddley-mud-wallowing Cabbage Patch Kids.
Flash Forward to April 5th.
Sarah accompanied me on my trip to Columbus, Ohio for the SPACE (Small Press and Alternative Comics Exposition) convention; a "vacation" geared around the guest-of-honor of this show—Dave Sim. Seeing that this would be his last public appearance before the End of Cerebus (both the comic book and his character; it has been long known that the Aardvark will die with issue #300) it was too great an opportunity (for a fan such as I) to pass up5.
The "Tickle-Me-Cerebus" came along for the ride. I felt Sarah's handiwork was impressive enough that it needed to be shown to Sim in order to get his reaction to it (whatever it might be).
SPACE was great, great fun. I spent lots of money on small press books, talking to the artists and writers, meeting and hanging out with other members of the Cerebus Yahoo! Group6, and—most importantly—the entire horde of us hanging out and conversing with Dave Sim as he signed autographs, drew sketches for everyone, and answered all of the inherently Cerebus-centric questions we threw out to him (a truly patient and genial gentleman).
Moment of Truth
As the day drew to a close I fetched the faux-Cerebus from our nearby hotel room7, weaved through the assembled crowd about Dave's table, politely interjected a "You're going to get a kick out of this" and plopped the Elmo-ized Cerebus in front of him.
An odd look crossed his face as he took in the knitted version of his creation.
Dave Sim: Nice.Shortly thereafter, as I related this tale to the Cerebus Group, Sarah was christened with yet another alias: Sarah-Fist.
Doll Boy: It gets better (squeezes KCS to show off the Elmo effect). There's a Tickle-Me-Elmo box inside.
Sim (after a lengthy pause): I cannot think of a better punishment for Cerebus.
Crowd: (LAUGHTER.)
Doll Boy: Yep. She made it (points to Sarah, who is desperately trying to avoid detection).
Sim (turns to Sarah): How did you get that inside?
Sarah (brightening up): There's a flap on his bottom and I stuffed it up inside.
Sim (mulling the answer over...a grin slowly growing): So, you fisted Cerebus?
Sarah: Er...er...yes?
Crowd: (HUGE LAUGHTER.)
Sim: You did nice work (shakes Sarah's hand...the one that did the fisting).
Sarah: Thanks.
Or, in keeping with the Aardvarkian-slant of the day: Cere-Fist.
To quote the late George Peppard, as Hannibal Smith, From the A-Team: "I love it when a plan comes together."
Many other things happened the night following the con8, but I'll leave those Cerebus-related and unrelated tales for another time.
Geekily yours,
Tip
Big Photo of the Knit Cerebus Simulacrum
Some of the Cerebus Yahoo Group (including Tony)
A pic of Cerebus for comparison
Margaret the Cerebus Fangirl's Site
1 The same day is also notable for the fact that our Whale Time Web Guru and Master of Ceremonies, Gregory Sax, purchased the first few issues of the newly released The New Mutants—the first spin-off title from Marvel Comics' The Uncanny X-Men. These Nerd Pools can run pretty deep, eh? [Back]
2 See my previous article, Brown Charlie, for more on how the Knit-Mistress of the Norsk is enabling my Nerdly-Self via her craft. [Back]
3 Generously donated by the also-deviously-inclined Ms. Stephanie Wirka. [Back]
4I am almost 100% positive that the Elmo seen on the Children's Television Network is "powered" by the business end of some guy's arm and the same gentleman's impish vocal talents. [Back]
5 This was the third year in a row that Dave Sim was the Guest-of-Honor and my second year attending. He also awards his annual Eugene Day Memorial Award for outstanding Small Press comics...an award named in memory of his late mentor. [Back]
6 A mailing list dedicated to the discussion of the comic. [Back]
7 Yeah...yeah...yeah...you thought I was carrying the doll around all day, eh? [Back]
8 Including the executive director of the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund (CBLDF), Charles Brownstein, and I closing a bar down (with the able-bodied assistance of Chris W). [Back]
www.whaletime.net
So hip it'll break your pelvisTM
©
2007 Whale Time.