Call Me E.

Call Me E.
all stories and essays by Sean Rein

The Truth About Vin Diesel

Is it just me or does Vin Diesel look like Right Said Fred? That's the deepest observation I have about the talentless Superstar of American Cinema.

When I first saw the trailer for The Chronicles of Riddick, I have to admit that the Sci-Fi nerd in me got a little excited. I do enjoy a good science fiction adventure now and then. For instance, the first 3 Star Wars movies (I don't have time to list all of the problems that I had with the latest two) Bladerunner and Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension are all great movies. Then, just as I was all worked up in to a frothy nerd lather, The Diesel comes on screen and wrecks my entire mood.

Of all the current talentless actors and actresses in Hollywood today—Angelina Jolie, Ben Affleck, Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, etc.—Vin Diesel is the worst, hands down, and should be the current poster boy of overpaid, talentless actors.

At the time of me writing this, I still have not seen Vinny in that movie and I refuse to. I think that Vin Diesel is the product of the evil machine that is known as Hollywood. Year after year they churn out shitty movie after shitty movie and Vin Diesel is the current talentless actor that has that manly/pseudo-gay look that is so popular with the kids today.

I myself have tried to stop donating money to this evil enterprise. I flat-out refuse to spend 8 to 10 dollars to see a film with bad acting and a predictable outcome. Then, most Americans (sheep) not only spend the money in the theater, they then buy the God-damned DVD for 20 to 30 dollars! Thus ensuring that more crappy films will follow.

I have a sister-in-law who has a collection of 200 or so DVDs. That's about $4,000 she has invested in Hollywood. The worst part is that she doesn't even watch them. She watches reality TV every night and complains about how poor she is.

You people are just encouraging the brainless Hollywood executives who do nothing but screw over talented writers and directors in order to put some more money in their pockets.

ENOUGH!

I could rant all day about what a scam it all is so, I'll end with this.

Do you have any friends that think they're cooler and more sophisticated than you? You know the type...the friends who say pretentious things like, "I'm going to the Lagoon Theater to see a foreign film."

I actually don't have a problem with them. They, like me, are tired of funding the Hollywood machine. However, do you think that there is a group of friends in France right now going to the crappy little theater in the artsy part of town to see The Day After Tomorrow and tell one another that they are "going to see a foreign film."

I rest my case.