Russell

When Russell was 8 years old, he ate paste. Other than grossing out his female classmates, this was normal behavior for an 8-year-old boy.

What wasn't normal was that Russell would regurgitate the paste and sell it to the Iranians as yellowcake uranium.

This got the attention of the CIA. It is against the law to sell yellowcake uranium to a foreign country; however, it is not illegal to sell one's own vomit to a foreign country.

Therefore, Russell wasn't in any trouble with the U.S. government. In fact, the CIA tracked Russell's progress through school and approached him on his eighteenth birthday.

"Russell, you are just the sort of bastard that the CIA is looking for. Would you like to go to our training facility in Hertford, Connecticut and train to be a spy?"

Russell just grunted.

"Perfect, you are one of us."

The day after Russell's eighteenth birthday, he disappeared from society. His parents and his West Highland White Terrier, Knuckles, never heard from Russell again.

What they didn't know was that Russell learned how to kill another man in many different ways, including killing with a belt, a shoe, and common, ordinary, household bleach.

Russell became one of the CIA's top agents.

When Russell was 11 years old, he tried to impress girls with his ability to urinate up into the air and catch it in his own mouth.

Today, Russell is 35 years old and can be found in many of the popular bars in Langley, Virginia. He still tries to impress women with his ability to urinate up into the air and catch it in his own mouth.

Russell is a very lonely, middle-aged man.

www.whaletime.net
So hip it'll break your pelvis^TM
© 2008 Whale Time.