Call Me E.

Call Me E.
all stories and essays by Sean Rein

Gas

Am I the only one who is getting sick and tired of hearing people bitch and moan about how expensive gasoline is? I should have prefaced that question by telling you that I work with 25 women ranging in age from 45 to 60 years old. These gals know only one tune—bitch and moan. They complain about everything from ex-husbands to how few grandchildren they have.

It gets so bad sometimes that I have to turn on the man ears. You know how it is, boys. You just get home from work and just want to veg out and watch the TV but the little lady just wants "talk."

Well, "talk" is what she calls it but talk would imply that you both would be moving your mouths in an ancient communication ritual. When in fact, "talk" to her is half an hour to 45 minutes of her list of complaints about all of the women she works with or had to deal with at the mall. Do you fellas ever notice that they rarely complain about male coworkers? It's always "what Judy wore today" or "I can't believe what Donna said to me" or "Sharon took the stinkiest dump today in the lady's room."

Sorry about the tangent. I just wanted to establish a motive. In this case, I have 25 female coworkers who do nothing but complain for an eight-hour shift, five days a week. The most popular topic recently has been the high price of gasoline. It drives me nuts, and here is why...

First of all, the current price of gasoline here in Minnesota is around $1.75 per gallon. I know that it's more in California is less in Texas, but, hey, you need to take that up with your elected officials, not me.

Now, when I first got my license to operate a motor vehicle here in the great state of Minnesota it was the year 1986. Yes, 18 years ago. I can vividly remember the price I paid for gas was $1.09 per gallon. I also remember filling up at a Texaco station that is now a Taco Bell.

If I figure the increase in price from then to now, I come up with a 62% increase in cost of 1 gallon of gasoline over that 18-year period. Pretty steep, right?

Well, not from where I'm sitting. Other prices have risen much more in those 18 years. I was earning $4.25 an hour back then. Now I make in excess of $13.75 an hour. That is an increase of 323%.

For my nerd friends, a comic book cost 75 cents in 1986. Now a comic goes for $2.25! That is a 300% jump.

I'm sure that anyone can pick other consumer products and come up with more and less of a price jump than I did. It is my opinion that gas prices have stayed very affordable over this time frame and, for whatever reason, people are alarmed by a five-cent increase in a gallon of gas but don't get upset when other prices go up.

I think it's because we Americans are fucking spoiled when it comes to gas prices! We are used to our big vehicles—gas efficiency be damned! Too many people are in love with their huge gas-guzzling vehicles. Hell, all of the women that I work with either drive an SUV or a fucking Cadillac. If you're so goddamned concerned about fuel prices, trade in the gas pig that you drive and purchase a fuel-efficient car!

It's too bad that gas prices don't double right now. The SUV would become a thing of the past, and I would have to get me some earplugs for work.