Call Me E.

Call Me E.
all stories and essays by Sean Rein

Fossil Rock
Have you ever noticed that no matter where you travel in this country, there is a classic rock radio station? It exists for the Baby Boom generation with the musical palette formed in 1967 and completed in 1979. It spans from groups like The Beatles to Foghat. And I abhor it all.

Abhor is a little strong. I do enjoy the occasional song from Led Zeppelin or The Who, but the rest of it really sucks.

I live in St. Paul, Minnesota. Our Dinosaur Rock station is KQRS 92 FM. I have been forced to listen to it everyday at work for the last few months. I swear to Christ that they have no more than 100 song on their damn playlist. I have heard "More Than a Feeling" by Boston so many times that it is now permanently burned into my brain. No amount of quiet time or Frank Zappa has been able to wash the indignity of that song out of my memory banks.

I'm forced to listen to it by the prototypical classic rock coworkers. You know the guy...fat, white, balding, 40 to 50 years old, no imagination, etc. He doesn't want anything new in his life except maybe a new pickup truck every five years.

I work with six of those guys.

The other day, one of them—I'll call him Frank—got all excited when he heard "Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. He then told me about a great concert he saw several years ago featuring the Mr. Money, Styx, and REO Speedwagon. He was so worked up that I didn't dare laugh at him.

My favorite quote: "It was great. None of them tried to play anything new. They just played all the good old stuff."

Isn't that pathetic? He was celebrating the fact that these bands haven't attempted anything creative in 20 years. It must make him feel good that he isn't the only person stuck in a rut and doing the same thing for the last two decades.

I think that I was lucky to be born a few years too late to be a part of that generation. I still like hearing new music from my favorite bands and new and creative stuff from newcomers to the music business.

Besides, there really isn't a market in a midsized city like mine to make money off of nothing but 80s alternative music. I'd kill for that, but I don't think there are enough Generation Xers out there to support that kind of thing.

It does seem that I am getting into advertisers' demographics though. The other day I saw an ad for Subway featuring a modified Sesame Street song. It was clever, but it wasn't good enough to get me to eat at crappy Subway.

Now, if Subway played an A Flock of Seagulls song while two skinny women dressed in tight leotards and leg warmers fondled a 12-inch cold cut combo, I might start eating at Subway.

I too have a weakness for the classics.