Whale Time: Re: Avram

Re: Avram
Rio - Part 1

all stories and essays by Avram Klein

Gringo Philosophy

When I got back from Ilha do Mel to see my brother, I pretty much felt like shit. I had been heartbroken for two days because Alexandra had a date, and I had already told Hoochie I wasn't going to be in Cabo Frio to see her and she got pretty pissed.

I hadn't slept on the bus and had gotten some kind of crazy rash from the bus on my fingers which forms the shape of my fingers when they're overlapping each other.

One good sign of being back in Rio, however, was of a girl adjusting her bikini by pulling it down allowing someone (me) to see her butt crack. It is believed by ancient rabbi that this is a good sign because the Torah is written in Hebrew letters that also serve as numbers that represent a mathematical equation which in turn serves as interwoven rhythmic patterns that represent subconsciously understood repetitions in the universe.

With this philosophy in mind, it can be assumed that once a person witnesses a magic portion of a girl's crack, there then will be a repletion in the person's life path, including more naked butt with visible crack. That being said, after a couple of nights of bad sleep, I began trying to find a cheap place to stay.

At one of the hotels, I bumped into a guy named Ronnie Avram. His middle name was Avram, and he was from a long line of Avrams and had never met an Avram until this trip to Brazil where he had met two.

He was pretty great, and we hung out and did the gringo bonding thing at Lapa where we hung out with Brazilian rappers and listened to samba and reggae.

(The guy next to me at the Internet cafe is looking at crazy-ass porn and is doing some kind of research assignment on it.)

This dude, Ronnie Avram, had been a film history professor for more than ten years and was a veteran skater from Dog Town and had skated with Tony Alva and Stacy Peralta. He was in Rio overcoming a pretty bad case of psoriasis.

Right in front of me, in this Internet lab, he met a girl from his elementary school in Pacific Palisades. She was tall and slender with long blonde, braided pony tails and was named Samone. We hung out with her at one of the richest night clubs in Rio, which is situated under the ball of a planetarium.

She turned out to be Leonard Nimoy's only personal assistant and was in Rio trying to open a new gallery. We sat and talked about Burning Man and she explained how smoking weed has made her realize she is as much attracted to good as she is to evil. I told her about this religion in Brazil where everybody wears black and they travel together with painted faces and they believe in using the energy of the devil to reach their destination in Heaven.

It went pretty well and I guess what I'm telling you is that it was really LA, but in Rio. I hung out with Ronnie Avram the next night, too. The following day, Ronnie Avram was gone, so I met a new guy during the day and we hung out and did the gringo bonding thing.

My Gringo Philosophy: Gringos are guys from the States or maybe another country who you make friends with while traveling. The thing is, though, is that these guys don't just make friends, they're like serious bros, like brodares.

The first half hour can be kind of quirky, because you're not yet sure what the other guy is about. But after that, you can confide in these guys about almost anything. You'll tell each other your life stories, favorite travel secrets, about breakups, high school, interesting jobs, dating, and then at the end of the day you'll never hear from these guys again.

They'll either know where you're at and not check you out before they leave, or they'll have your cell phone number and not call. E-mail is just totally out. The most complicated correspondence I've had with a gringo was with Ronnie Avram who called me and hung out with me two nights in a row.

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