Whale Time: Re: Avram

Re: Avram
Bahia - Part 2

all stories and essays by Avram Klein

Sex Still Sells

People dance like a fucking palm tree in a hurricane in Bahia, like fucking crazy. I walked into this dance hall on the island of Morro do Sao Paulo and, seriously, the first thing I saw was a Bahiano guy with huge muscles and a Rasta wiggling on the dance floor.

They were wiggling, filled with glee. They were almost not dancing. And the song was not popular music or samba, it was Bahiano music, which is just a crazy loud drum beat played by eight drummers and a guy singing at the top of his lungs, "Mah-ree-wah-nah co-kay!"

The girls dance so crazy their ass and their legs move about four feet from side to side on every beat. Some of the tourists who come to dance in Bahia dance as if their ass was on fire. They dance like the German Octoberfest girls at an Olympic training camp.

Also, Bahia is hot. It is so hot, sometimes I think if the sun is relaxing like a sauna in Rio, the sun here must be like a death ray pounding the stress out of my body.

I went to see the movie Ken Park. I saw the movie at a film festival in Salvadore. I don't suggest you see this movie unless you like to see full-frontal, teenage male nudity, including porn scenes, including climax scenes, none of which are gay, but not all of which include chicks.

The Brazilian audience had such an incredible reaction to the film. Afterwards, the crowd was exhilarated by the foreign and exotic qualities of the movie. The crowd gathered in the lobby with a buzz only matched by a hive once the worker bees return to dance and describe where pollen is.

The Northeast of Brazil is so less densly populated than the south. I felt like I was back in Raleigh during college—it's burning hot outside like an inferno, yet almost noone has a tan. Many folks were wearing ski hats or had long, black, curly hair and seemed to share the same hobby of experimental acoustic instrument-making or Danzig comic book collecting.

I was at the film with my friend Karen (pronounced Kah-reen) and she may be one of the most incredible girls I have ever met. She is, of course, a warm and incredible Brazilian, but she is also fucking cute and fucking hilarious.

We visited the island of Boipeba and walked around naked on the beach for a week. We figured out that she thought that when a girl needs to excuse herself to use the bathroom, she is to say, "I want to piss off." I had to explain to her that pissing someone off and pissing are two different things.

Later, we were bathing in a natural pool formed by a sand bar and some little super-cute Bahiano kids were playing and splashing us, so she went and peed next to where they were playing.

We ended up splashing with them for a long time. For these were no ordinary splash fight players, but rather super-talented masters of splash fighting. When I tried to go lay on the beach and take a break, they were able to flank me and throw sand at me until I ran back into the water and splashed with them for another half hour.

Another incredible thing about Bahia is that it is pretty common to see people having sex in the water. The fist time I saw a couple having sex out in the surf, I was checking out a group of Swedish girls who were vacationing on Morro do Sao Paulo.

I thought I would take a quick dip in the water and then on my way out of the water I would approach them and start a conversation. I took a few steps into the water and there, about a hundred yards out, was a middle-aged couple just going at it in broad daylight.

I did a one-eighty and the Swedish girls all scooped up their towels and took off. Now that I've been here for a couple of weeks, I may watch a couple having sex while I'm eating my dinner, in complete relaxation, as if nothing is happening. I'll just gaze out into the water as if I'm looking at the Petrobras oil platform. Near the end of the meal when the woman's legs are sticking up out of the water at two and ten o'clock I start to think, DAMN.

Go to Karen (Pronounced Kah-Reen)